Spork's Movie of the Century!
by Sango5
Summary: When Spork(OC) force the cast to take part in her movie, whats gonna happen? Read and find out! R&R! CH2 UP! 3 COMING SOON!
1. Spork and her Slaves!

Spork's Film of The Century!  
[BEWARE! Dun dun duuunnnn]  
  
Brought to you by: Sir Spork Productions©  
  
Author: Sango  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, or anyone...Except Sir Spork, she is my original charactcer! XP  
  
Rating: I guess PG, there's nothing inappropriate in here, yet....Language and Drug references will probably be in later chapters, So WARNING on that...  
  
"Director": Sir Spork the Sporkiness©  
  
Cast: InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Sesshoumaru and Kouga (And probably some guest stars in late chapters)  
  
Note: Those of you who don't know what a SPORK is...Shame upon you....It's the offspring of a one-night stand between a Fork and Spoon....Kinda twisted, huh?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The cast are on the movie set messing around, laughing, playing with the stage props, telling jokes, Miroku won't keep his hands off of Sango's rear, InuYasha and Kouga fighting, Kagome talkng to Sesshoumaru about the harmful effects of putting on too much perfume....When their fun is interrupted by a booming voice, "QUIIIIET!" Everyone freezes, no one is in any particular pose...Except Miroku's fingers twitch just out of reach of Sango's bottom. The voice speaks again, this time much more quiet and cheerful, "Hi all!" The voice giggles and from behind a wall a squirrel demon appears, she is dressed in rather...strange clothing and seems to have some sort of queer obsession with...Sporks?  
  
Miroku: What's with the fork fetish?  
  
He points to the Spork tattoo on her right arm, her belt buckle that has a spork on it and her Spork necklace.  
  
Squirrel Demon: SPORK! NOT FORK! People these days...I swear...The stupidity is unbearable...  
  
She trails off about moronic peope, not being able to tell a fork from a spork, when she is brought back to her senses as Miroku pokes her black shirt, which reads "SPORK" across the front and there's a picture of a spork under the word.  
  
Miroku: Okay, what's with the SPORK fetish?  
  
He keeps poking her shirt...Rather enjoying it...  
  
Squirrel Demon: EXCUSE ME?! THAT IS MY PROPERTY! HANDS OFFFFF!!!  
  
::THWACK!::  
  
Miroku falls to the ground and Sango wanders over to make sure he's okay.  
  
Squirrel Demon: Aaaaanyway, the answer to Miroku's question is: I just love Sporks...Easy enough, right?  
  
She grins. Kagome steps up cautiously.  
  
Kagome: Who are you? How did you know Miroku-sama's name? And why are we here?  
  
Squirrel Demon: Oh yeah, duh, I'm Sir Spork! Just call me Spork!  
  
Everyone sweatdrops.  
  
Spork: ...Eh...heh....I know who you all are because....I'm the director, I have to know my actors and actresses names! What you think I'm some sort of "Not good director person who can't do they job for beans!"  
  
She seems to have quoted that from somewhere...She mutters to herself and appears angry.  
  
Sesshoumaru: Why are we here?  
  
Spork is pulled from her muttering state to answer the demon's question.  
  
Spork: You're the cast for my movie, of course.  
  
The cast appear confused.  
  
InuYasha: But..I never signed a contract....  
  
Kouga: Yeah, Dog-boy has a point...  
  
Spork: Yes you did....All of you did....  
  
Spork holds up a paper to justfy herself, the cast quickly run to see what it is.  
  
Kagome: It's just scribbles...  
  
Spork: *Sweatdrop* Those are your SIGNATURES, not scribbles! I worked very hard to get them to look authentic!  
  
Everyone gives Spork a blank stare.  
  
Spork: ......I mean...uh...How could you forget if you signed a paper? Are you stupid or what?  
  
The cast blink and turn to see Miroku getting up with a bump on his head, and Sango assisting him to his feet.  
  
::THWAAAAAAACK!::  
  
Miroku is sent flying across the set, taking out several props, after groping Sango. The cast shake their heads and turn back to Spork for more answers to their seemingly endless questions. The cast start throwing several questions at Spork all at once, all Spork manages to hear is "..bathroom??" and "...any food?!"  
  
Spork: Shhhh!! Listen!  
  
Spork cups her hand behind her ear and tilts her head in an attempt to pretend to listen...She only does this to postpone the questions. The cast get deadly quiet, they are now frightened, for some unknown reason. Spork starts tip-toeing away, only to be stopped by Sesshoumaru, she groans angrily and looks at the cast who all have heir ears perked in the same direction.  
  
Kouga: *Whisper* I think I hear it!  
  
Spork: ...........*SWEATDROP!* Wow..........He's a hell of alot dumber than we give him credit for.........  
  
Kouga only gives her a funny look, not understanding what she said and continues muttering about how he swears he heard something. Spork clears her throat.  
  
Spork: ...Er-h'rm!  
  
The cast look at Spork questioningly, they have the slightest hint of anger on their faces, she had, afterall, interrupted their game of "Listen For The Sound That The Wolf-Boy Swears He Hears, And If You Hear It Too, YAY!"  
  
Spork: We gotta get started.  
  
Cast: Started what?  
  
Spork gives them a blank stare, sighs and mutters, "Why meeee!?" Only to recieve funny looks. Spork quickly explains that the cast is here to serve her and work for her and "Bring me lemonade should I want any, anything I damn well feel like doing with you!" The cast blink and several murmurs of disapproval are heard from the group.  
  
Kouga: Uh...What's the main reason we're here..I mean...Are we just slaves or...  
  
Kouga's short attention span gets to him and he starts chasing a lady-bug, only to find that "The lady-bug's evil plot was to make me run bam-splat into the camera!" and he passes out. Just as everyone is done laughing, Miroku comes over, he looks at the wolf, then at the cast, then at Spork, then back to the cast, to the wolf, the camera, Spork...He shakes his head as he tries to piece it together....He fails, shrugs and walks to join his fellow friends in their little huddle.  
  
Spork: Glad to have you back Miroku...*-says dryly and sarcastically*  
  
Miroku: *Ignores the sarcasm that's dripping from her words like acid* The pleasures all mine!  
  
The cast sigh, it's a wonder why they haven't just given up on him.  
  
InuYasha: We-ll? Why ARE we here? Besides the whole twisted slave thing...  
  
Spork: You are my lovely cast, for the movie I'm shooting!  
  
The cast beam a "You've GOT to be kidding me!" look, only to be answered by a "Yea, you heard me!" look from Spork. Sesshoumaru pulls out a pink fuzzy cell phone and insists on calling his Lawyer. He is promptly threatened until he hands the phone over to Spork. Kouga has woken up and is yelling at a lady-bug because "You might wanna watch yo back! I'll get my home- wolves to come kick yo arse back to da ghetto! Lil' punk!" Kouga immaturely sticks his tongue out at the lady-bug and walks back to the cast.  
  
Spork: ...'Kay. Let's start, the first scene is at a bar. There's gonna be a big brawl between Miroku and InuYasha, your characters are named Brad and Victor. And Sango will play a small part in this scene, your name will be Stacey.  
  
InuYasha: Victor?! What in the hell?? I want a better name!  
  
InuYasha complains until Spork agrees to change his name to Steven.  
  
InuYasha: *Practically prancing with glee* I'm Steeeeven! I'm Steeeeeven! HOORAY!  
  
The cast and Spork sweatdrop and Spork explains the scene: Steven(InuYasha) is to order a drink from the bartender(Kouga will just stand there) when the door to the bar swings open and Brad(Miroku) comes in. Brad walks over and tells Steven to "Move, me and Stacey,(much against her will, Sango) need a place to sit." Steven refuses and the tension between the two grow. Brad continues insisting, Steven continues refusing. Until...BAM! Brad swings and knocks Steven off his bar stool. And the fight continues until Steven is knocked unconscious. Brad, bruised and bloody, grabs his girl and walks out of the bar to find some other place to get a drink.  
  
Miroku: Wait! Can I keep my hand wrapped around Sango's waist as we walk in, for effect?  
  
Miroku gives Spork the world-famous "Puppy-eyes".  
  
Sango: Please, noooo!  
  
Spork: Miroku has a good point...It WOULD add to the effect....  
  
Miroku: REALLY?!  
  
Spork: Yea...Sure.  
  
Sango: O_O;  
  
Miroku: YAHOOO!!!!  
  
Spork sends any of the cast who have parts to trailers to change.  
  
Sesshoumaru: So, Spork...Do I get to play a Snow Queen? Or maybe a Princess?  
  
Spork: Uhh...You're playing a girl, no doubt...But there's no Princesses in this movie...Well maybe there could be...  
  
Spork is deep in thought as Sesshoumaru is fixing his hair in a near-by mirror, when a shriek is heard from the trailers. Sango had accidently walked in on Miroku, and he was completely nude. Sango comes screaming back over to the set, and Miroku is following her with a towel around his waist trying to apoligize, though it wasn't his fault.  
  
Sango: MY EYES! OH MY GOD! SAVE MEEEE!  
  
Miroku: Sorry, sorry, sorry!!  
  
Miroku trips on a prop and the towel nearly falls off, Sango screams and turns to run, but Spork stops her and explains she isn't allowed to leave. Sango catches her breath and regains her senses, and Miroku offers her a one-handed hug(his other hand has to hold up the towel). She hesitantly accepts, and they walk back to the trailers, Sango is showed where her trailer is, and she puts red tape on Miroku's door, to remind her NOT to go in there again.  
  
InuYasha comes out, looking bashful and he's blushing, Kagome looks forward to what Spork had explained he was going to wear. InuYasha is wrapped in a blanket, making sure it completly covers his clothing. Spork pokes him and orders him to "Take the blanket off!"  
  
InuYasha: N-...No...  
  
Spork: C'monnnn, I know it fits you, I picked it out myself.  
  
InuYasha's cheeks grow hot and red, and he veeery hesitantly lets the blanket fall to the ground.  
  
Cast: O_O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The cast find themselves in fits of laughter well InuYasha's face grows more red by the second. He is dressed in a ballet outfit, complete with: a sparkely pink tutu, a fluffy pink boa around his neck, ballet shoes, and pink tights that show off his 'sexy' legs.  
  
InuYasha: *Red as a cherry* Why do I have the feeling this won't work in a bar scene.....  
  
Spork: *Trying not to laugh, it's not working too well* Look- ...You..*Giggle* must have..*Laughs* must have went into- ...*Wipes tears from her eyes* went into Sessh- *Laugh* Sesshoumaru's trailer! *She falls over laughing*  
  
InuYasha: O_O! WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE TELL ME THESE THINGS!!!!!!  
  
InuYasha runs to his trailer and gets dressed in his clothes.  
  
Miroku: HOW DO I LOOK?!  
  
Miroku is wearing 'gangsta' style clothes: Baggy pants, tight white tank- top, backwards hat, sunglasses, and several heavy gold necklaces which he insists everyone call "Bling-bling".  
  
Spork: WOW! Looks better than I would have thought! Very nice, very nice!  
  
Miroku: *Takes a bow* Thank you, thank you! I'm here all week!  
  
Miroku stops and his eyes are glued to Sango as she walks out, she is wearing very...How should I say this?....very "Indecent" clothing, well Miroku doesn't think it Indecent.... She's wearing a "Catholic-girl" style mini skirt with a gray and black plaid design, a white see-through blouse which her lacey black bra underneath is clearly visable, she has black knee- high panty-hoes on, black boots that come just above her ankles and she is wearing sunglasses.  
  
Miroku: O_O WOW!  
  
Sango's cheeks are as red as they'll ever be and she has an annoyed look on her face, realizing that Kagome and Sesshoumaru are staring at her as well (more shock than anything). She pulls down on the back of the skirt and glares at Spork.  
  
Spork: Whaa? It goes with the whole effect I'm trying to get across here!  
  
Sango: But WHY ME??!  
  
Spork: I ask myself the same question everyday...  
  
Miroku: WOW...S-...ango...You....I...Wow...Can I...Er...I mean...Uh...Whoa....  
  
Sango's cheeks grow more red and she tries so hard to glare at Miroku. She is relieved when Kouga walks in, and boy! does he look uncomfortable. He's wearing a tux...Never thought you'd see that, huh? It's black, with a white undershirt and Kouga is practically choking due to his poor attempt to tie the bow-tie. Spork ties it for him, and he thanks her. Kouga's eyes fall on Sango.  
  
Kouga: WHOA!  
  
Miroku: *Still stuttering* Uh...Wow...I...Sango...Kouga BACK OFF!  
  
Kouga: Ew, I meant "WHOA!" as in I would like to see Kagome in that!  
  
Kouga whistles and falls into a day dream. Kagome looks disgusted. InuYasha walks out in clothes resembling Miroku's, except he has no shirt on. Kagome can't help but stare. Spork looks at the cast: Miroku ogling Sango, Kagome watching InuYasha'a bare chest, Kouga in a day dream of Kagome and keeps twitching from the suit, Sesshoumaru looking at Sango and wishing he had clothes like that, InuYasha and Sango feeling uncomfortable under the gaze of the other's. Spork smiles proudly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author Note: The scene will start in the next chapter! I hope you liked it!  
  
Send in reviews, suggestions and questions! I'll have the cast answer any fan mail! And if you want your character to be a guest star, you can either: 1. Send in a picture(Be sure to include name, attitude, age, gender and other info) or 2. Fill this out and email it to me- Name- Gender- M or F Looks- eyes, hair, skin color, race, clothing, anything else you think important Attitude- Age- If you don't have a specific age then an age group [child, teen, adult,elder, etc.] Anything else you might want to add- (THE MORE DETAIL THE BETTER! If you dont have a good description I will reply to you and request that you fix it!)  
  
EXAMPLE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Name-Sir Spork Gender- F Looks- Purple eyes. Orange hair that appears never brushed. Light brown(tan) skin color. Squirrel Demon. She WEARS: A black shirt with the word SPORK on it, a spork necklace, blue jeans, a black spiked belt with a Spork belt buckle, and little brown boots. Attitude- Hyper, bouncy, crazy, carefree, but she can become easily annoyed, has a short temper around guys especially. Age- Around 18 [Teen] Extra- She loves sporks, and she likes eating, and climbing trees (she IS a squirrel after all)  
  
NOTE: I will not put anything in the fic if your character is "dating" one of the cast members, it obstructs the storyline. Plus, you can send in as many as TWO characters, I MAY make exceptions. And if you so choose to send in more than one character you MUST fill out the form for both characters. My email is vampsango@aol.com Place "FANFIC" in the subject line. Thank you! *HUG*  
  
^^^ \ / | | ~*Sir Spork Productions©*~ | | | | |_| 


	2. What's ALKAHALLIK?

Spork's Film of The Century!  
CHAPTER 2  
[BEWARE! Dun dun duuunnnn]  
  
Brought to you by: Sir Spork Productions©  
  
Author: Sango  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, or anyone...Except Sir Spork, she is my original charactcer! XP  
  
Rating: I guess PG, there's nothing inappropriate in here, yet....Language and Drug references will probably be in later chapters, So WARNING on that...  
  
"Director": Sir Spork the Sporkiness©  
  
Cast: InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Sesshoumaru and Kouga (And probably some guest stars in late chapters)  
  
Note: Those of you who don't know what a SPORK is...Shame upon you....It's the offspring of a one-night stand between a Fork and Spoon....Kinda twisted, huh?  
  
CHAPTER 2: What's AL-KA-HALL-IK?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A quick re-cap: Miroku, InuYasha, Sango and Kouga are dressed and ready to try out their acting skills. Spork is getting them situated, but Sango won't stop complaining about the fact Miroku's hand won't stop grabing her butt. Miroku justifies himself that it simply kept 'slipping.'  
  
Sango: STOP THAT!  
  
Sango slaps Miroku's hand off her rear.  
  
Miroku: Ehh...heh heh  
  
Spork: PLACES, PEOPLE! PLACES!!  
  
InuYasha sits on a bar stool, Kouga stands behind the bar an stands up tall, Miroku and Sango are behind a closed door and Sango's angry growling and yelling can be heard from there. Spork tells Miroku to cut it out, though it doesn't help.  
  
Spork: On your marks!  
  
InuYasha: A race? What the..?  
  
Spork: .....Shut-up....  
  
Sango: GAH! STOP IT!!!!  
  
Spork: MIROKU!  
  
Miroku: Whaaaaat? *-Innocent voice*  
  
Spork: Hand on the waist, not the butt!  
  
Miroku lets out a complaining sigh and places his hand comfortably on Sango's waist.  
  
Spork: Ready, set, g-  
  
InuYasha: WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!  
  
Spork: Whaaat?  
  
Kagome sweatdrops and taps Spork's shoulder.  
  
Spork: Yessum?  
  
Kagome: Watch this....Lights!  
  
The lights adjust to fit the scene.  
  
Kagome: Cameras!  
  
The cameras are moved by the camera crew so they have the best possible view on the scene.  
  
Kagome: ACT-  
  
Spork: I can do this part myself...*Sweatdrop* Thaaaank you *-Sarcastic*  
  
Kagomes: WELCOME!  
  
Spork: ACTION!  
  
Spork looks to the set...She sweatdrops when she sees InuYasha twirling on his stool and yelling "Whhhhheeeeeeeeeeee!" and Kouga is sniffing and tasting several different wines. Sesshoumaru comes prancing from his trailer, where he had went and changed into the ballet outfit. He does a 'cute' little spin and Spork raises a disapproving eyebrow at him.  
  
Sesshoumaru: What? I think I look pretty!  
  
Spork blinks, and Sesshoumaru grins, he has a strange look on his face. Sesshoumaru begins prancing and doing some advanced ballet tactics across the stage, singing...  
  
Sesshoumaru: I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gaaaay!  
  
Sango's yelp is heard from behind the door, the two were still waiting for their cue and Miroku got bored. Sesshoumru is dragged off stage by Spork.  
  
Spork: Go prance an' nance somewhere else, with lil' pink bunnies and fluffy..things..And..um, I'll call you when I need you!  
  
Sesshoumaru: OKAY!  
  
Sesshoumaru prances off toward an area of props with 'fluffy things'. Spork goes over to InuYasha and Kouga, who have yet to cease their acts of boredom.  
  
Spork: Cut it out!  
  
Kouga: *HIC* Why? *HIC!*  
  
Spork: Kouga....You aren't DRUNK are you?!?  
  
Kouga: Uhh....*HIC* How thould I know? *HIC*  
  
Spork: Oh no....  
  
Spork paces back and forth, thinking. Kouga is told by Spork to go sit down, and Kouga walks over to watch Sesshoumaru, the most interesting thing he could find. Spork is almost panicking when Kagome suggests to get a new bartender.  
  
Spork: O_O; WHAT?! DO YOU WANNA BE THE DIRECTOR OR SOMETHING?! MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, I'M TRYING TO THINK!  
  
Kagome: Okay. Just trying to help...  
  
Spork: I GOT IT! I'll call in a new person to take Kouga's place!  
  
Kagome let out a "Dear God save us all" sigh, and reluctantly retreated to watch Sesshoumaru and make sure Kouga doesn't get his claws on anything dangerous. Spork snapped her fingers and a small cat-demon came scampering from no where. She had cat ears and a cat tail, she tugged her tail nervously, she had just been hired as Spork's assistant and didn't want to mess this up. She was maybe 6 years old, she had brown hair and brown eyes, she had loose jeans and a lime green shirt with a tiger on it. She smiled sweetly at Spork, waiting to be told what to do.  
  
Spork: Meow, I need you to search for someone to take Kouga's place. Oh! and bring me some lemonade, you know how I like it, not too sour!  
  
Meow: SURE THING!  
  
Meow skipped off happily, but she had a strong urge to do this right, she had to make a good first impression. Kagome had wandered wearily back to Spork, a questioning look on her face.  
  
Kagome: What's with the kid?  
  
Spork: I hired her.  
  
Kagome: HIRED HER?! She's just a kid!  
  
Spork: Well, fine. I didn't "hire" her. I just bribed her...With candy...  
  
Kagome began to tell Spork how wrong that was as Sango came running out from behind the door.  
  
Sango: THAT'S IT! I CAN'T WORK WITH HIM! Well I could...IF HE'D KEEP THOSE DAMN HANDS TO HIMSELF! We've learned it since Kindergarten, "Keep your hands to yourself!" Why doesn't he get it?!  
  
Sango was pacing and talking to herself, and she didn't realize Miroku had been standing there, a hurt look on his face. Ssango stopped and looked at him, she felt bad and opened her arms to hug him.  
  
Sango: Sorry.  
  
Miroku gladly accepts her hug and her apology, his hands slide lower down her back until she pulls away and starts pacing again. She picks a script off the ground and shoves it in Miroku's face.  
  
Sango: Practice your lines!  
  
Spork: Uh, YEAH! Practice your damn lines!  
  
Meow returns and sees Spork telling Miroku what to do and decides to help.  
  
Meow: Practice your damn lines, Miwoku!  
  
Kagome: Spork! Don't let that little girl talk like that!  
  
Spork: Fine, fine...Meow, watch your mouth. And gimme that lemonade!  
  
Meow nods and hands Spork her lemonade. Miroku is glad they seemingly have forgotten him and makes his way back to his place on the set. Sango follows rather un-willingly, and she continues insisting he practice his script.  
  
Meow: Spork, I thought that maybe Fluffy can take Kouga's place.  
  
Spork: BRILLIANT!  
  
Meow seems happy and goes and tells Seshoumaru to change into a tux and get ready to play Kouga's part. Sesshoumaru doesn't mind, as long as he can act he doesn't care. He quickly changes and comes back. Spork looks him up and down approvingly.  
  
Spork: Spiffy tux.  
  
Sesshoumaru: Thank you, Thank you!  
  
Spork instructs Meow to get everyone ready to start filming again.  
  
Meow: PLACES PEOPLE!  
  
Everyone scurries to their spots and gets ready. Spork sips her lemonade cheerfully and tells Meow to get them started.  
  
Meow: LIGHTS! CAMERAS! ACTION!  
  
InuYasha hears his cue and looks to Sesshoumaru.  
  
InuYasha: May I have a martini?  
  
Sesshoumaru: Indeed you may.  
  
Sesshoumaru turns around and starts to make a drink for InuYasha. The door swings open and Miroku comes in with his arm tightly around Sango's waist. He walks up to InuYasha.  
  
Miroku: Yo, foo, move it. Me and my girl *Nods toward Sango* Stacey, need a place to sit.  
  
InuYasha: Too bad, sit somewhere else.  
  
Miroku: *Tries to remember his line* Well, uh...-  
  
Meow: *Whispers* "Don't make me get violent!"  
  
Miroku nods his thanks toward Meow.  
  
Miroku: Don't make me get violent!  
  
InuYasha: I'm NOT moving, you can't make me.  
  
Miroku: That's what you think! *PUNCH!*  
  
InuYasha's sunglasses go flying across the room.  
  
InuYasha: OWWWWW!!!!!  
  
Spork drops her lemonade and runs to Miroku.  
  
Spork: CUT, CUT, CUT!! MIROKU!  
  
Miroku: *Tilts head* What'd I do wrong? I thought that was rather good.  
  
Spork: I forgot to say that it's supposed to be FAKE. You're supposed to pretend to hit him.  
  
InuYasha hops around looking for an ice pack, sees Spork's discarded lemonade and sticks his cheek to the ground on the ice cubes. Spork tries explaining to Miroku about how they can't bruise InuYasha's face, he's needed in later scenes. Miroku finally catches on and for no reason his hand slides to Sango's rear.  
  
Sango: PERVERRRRRRT!  
  
She raises her hand to punch him across the room, but Spork stops and explains to her what she told Miroku.  
  
Sesshoumaru is sitting staring blankly at everyone, sipping the martini he had earlier made for the scene. Spork freezes when she sees him.  
  
Spork: Is that...a martini? O_O?  
  
Sesshoumaru: *Looks at the martini* Yes. Why?  
  
Spork starts walking toward him.  
  
Spork: How... do you know how to make those? You never told me you knew how to be a bartender!  
  
Sesshoumaru: Yeah, I was a bartender for a year back in my younger years.... it's pitiful really...  
  
Spork: PITIFUL?! Hardly! It's a miracle!  
  
Spork grabs the martini and sips it, a grin forms on her face as she sets it down.  
  
Spork: It's PERFECT! Make more. Now. Please. I love martinis! MARTINIS FOR ALL!  
  
Kagome: I don't drink.  
  
Meow tugs on the nearest person--Miroku--'s sleeve.  
  
Miroku: Hm?  
  
Meow: What's a... "Martini"?  
  
Miroku: We-llll...It's an alchoholic drink, it's rather good.  
  
Meow: Alchomahulik?  
  
Miroku laughs and shakes his head.  
  
Miroku: AL-KA-HALL-IK.  
  
Meow: AL-KA-HALL-IK?  
  
Miroku: Good job!  
  
By this time Sango has snuck away from Miroku and gotten herself a martini. The rest of the group--besides Kouga, Kagome, and Miroku-- are all now enjoying Sesshoumaru's fine art of Martini-Making. Miroku looks interestingly at Meow.  
  
Miroku: *To himself* Cute kid... I wonder... Hey, Meow.  
  
Meow: Mm?  
  
Miroku pulls her to him and whispers in her ear. She nods and walks to Sango, tugs innocently on her skirt and Sango looks down at her.  
  
Sango: Yesss? *Sips her drink*  
  
Meow: Miwoku was wonderin' if you would go out wif him? *Big adorable eyes*  
  
Sango looks up and glares at Miroku, she pulls Meow over and whispers in her ear. Meow skips over to Miroku.  
  
Meow: Sango said.. *Bites her tongue trying to remember* She saaaaid, if you bother her anymore she would make sure that you are never able to have babies.  
  
Miroku flinches and laughs nervously. Meow tilts her head.  
  
Meow: What's she mean by that, Miwoku?  
  
Miroku: We-lll, what she meant was- OW!  
  
Miroku was smacked by Kagome who had been listening. Meow giggles and skips over to Kouga. Meow tugs on Kouga's tail.  
  
Meow: FLUFFY!  
  
Kouga: *HIC* OoOoWwWw...  
  
Meow: *Giggle* Funny sounds! *Tug, tug*  
  
Kouga: ArRrR...PaAainNnn...*HIC*  
  
Meow giggles and continues torturing poor Kouga. Miroku has gotten a martini and is now enjoying a good laugh with the rest of the crew about...  
  
Sesshoumaru: So, I walked in on InuYasha sleeping with a fluffy pink bunny stuffed toy!  
  
The crew break into fits of laughter and InuYasha turns bright red and runs off. Kagome follows him to comfort him. Spork sighs and doesn't regret getting no where on her movie... They have more time later.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author Note: The scene will start in the next chapter! I hope you liked it!  
  
Send in reviews, suggestions and questions! I'll have the cast answer any fan mail! And if you want your character to be a guest star, you can either: 1. Send in a picture(Be sure to include name, attitude, age, gender and other info) or 2. Fill this out and email it to me-  
  
Name-  
  
Gender- M or F  
  
Looks- eyes, hair, skin color, race, clothing, anything else you think important  
  
Attitude-  
  
Age- If you don't have a specific age then an age group [child, teen, adult,elder, etc.]  
  
Anything else you might want to add-  
  
(THE MORE DETAIL THE BETTER! If you dont have a good description I will reply to you and request that you fix it!)  
  
EXAMPLE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Name-Sir Spork  
  
Gender- F  
  
Looks- Purple eyes. Orange hair that appears never brushed. Light brown(tan) skin color. Squirrel Demon. She WEARS: A black shirt with the word SPORK on it, a spork necklace, blue jeans, a black spiked belt with a Spork belt buckle, and little brown boots.  
  
Attitude- Hyper, bouncy, crazy, carefree, but she can become easily annoyed, has a short temper around guys especially.  
  
Age- Around 18 [Teen]  
  
Extra- She loves sporks, and she likes eating, and climbing trees (she IS a squirrel after all)  
  
NOTE: I will not put anything in the fic if your character is "dating" one of the cast members, it obstructs the storyline. Plus, you can send in as many as TWO characters, I MAY make exceptions. And if you so choose to send in more than one character you MUST fill out the form for both characters. My email is vampsango@aol.com Place "FANFIC" in the subject line. Thank you! *HUG*  
  
~*Sir Spork Productions©*~ 


	3. You Should Watch Your Mouth 'Round Lil K...

Spork's Film of The Century!  
CHAPTER 3  
[BEWARE! Dun dun duuunnnn]  
  
Brought to you by: Sir Spork Productions©  
  
Author: Sango  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, or anyone...Except Sir Spork, she is my original character! XP  
  
Rating: I guess PG, there's nothing inappropriate in here, yet....Language and Drug references will probably be in later chapters, So WARNING on that...  
  
"Director": Sir Spork the Sporkiness©  
  
Cast: InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Sesshoumaru and Kouga (And probably some guest stars in later chapters)  
  
Note: Those of you who don't know what a SPORK is...Shame upon you....It's the offspring of a one-night stand between a Fork and Spoon....Kinda twisted, huh?  
  
CHAPTER 3: Panties!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A quick recap: Spork has gotten a new worker. This worker does whatever Spork wants, such as bring her lemonade. Spork has now completed scene 1, though it took several hours and many martinis....  
  
Spork: YEEEEAY! We're finally done the first scene!  
  
Spork dances about gleefully, Meow joins in and dances too. Miroku grabs hold of Sango's hands and swings her in circles.  
  
Sango: ACK!  
  
Miroku: Wheeeeeeee!  
  
Sesshoumaru grabs hold of the nearest person--Kouga--'s hands and swings him around. InuYasha hesitates and asks Kagome to dance. Kagome says yes and the whole cast dance around until Spork grabs a megaphone.  
  
Spork: *Yells in Megaphone* QUIIIIIIIET!  
  
Everyone: OWWWW!  
  
InuYasha: My ears... x_x  
  
Spork places the megaphone on the ground and quickly apologizes for yelling too loud.  
  
Spork: Aaaaanyway, we need scene 2 to get started.  
  
Everyone's faces have a cross between "Oh no" and "Yay."  
  
Spork: Well, Scene 2 is gonna take place at a beach...  
  
Miroku: A SEX SCENE!?  
  
Spork: Yea, how'd you know?  
  
Sango: O_O You're serious!?  
  
Miroku is now hopping around with pure happiness until Spork starts laughing.  
  
Spork: *Trying not to laugh* I was only *Giggle* Joking!  
  
Miroku: ...That isn't funny... You got me all excited... An' I thought you was serious...  
  
Miroku is staring at the ground and mumbling. Sango is relieved Spork was joking but she feels bad that Miroku's depressed now.  
  
Spork: Anyways...I was serious about the beach scene. Everyone but InuYasha (Steven), will be partying at the beach. Anyone who doesn't exactly have a part will be background characters. Got that? Then, Steven shows up and meets Kagome (Helen), and he falls madly in love with her. But the thing is... Helen hangs out with the cool people--Miroku, Sango, Kouga-- Helen does want to be with him, but she doesn't want to lose all her friends. I kinda got this twisted West Side Story thing goin' here, huh?  
  
InuYasha appears lost as he goes over what he's supposed to do.  
  
Miroku: So... *Looks up from his pouting* I get to party with Sango?  
  
Sango: Oh no...  
  
Spork: Yep! Now go get changed....and InuYasha, your trailer is the one with your name on it *Snickers*  
  
InuYasha's face becomes more confused and a hot blush covers his cheeks. He mumbles something.  
  
Spork: Say what? I can't hear you, speak up.  
  
InuYasha: I... can't read....  
  
Spork: o_o;  
  
InuYasha: Yeah... So if I can get some special help for rehearsing my lines... Uh...  
  
Spork: Absolutely! Meow, help InuYasha with his lines, would you?  
  
Meow: *Stops playing with Sesshoumaru's make-up* Okay!  
  
The dog and the cat walk to InuYasha's trailer. InuYasha seems embarrassed that a six-year-old knows more about reading than him... The rest of the cast have gone to change.  
  
Spork: Ahh, peace and quiet...  
  
An ear piercing squeal is heard from the changing rooms and Sesshoumaru comes running out with a pink tutu on.  
  
Sesshoumaru: I will not dress in these so-called "gangsta" clothes. I refuse to be so disrespectful to myself!  
  
Sesshoumaru crosses his arms over his bare chest and turns his nose away.  
  
Spork: Ai-ya, fine. Wear, uh, a shirt and jeans...?  
  
Sesshoumaru: *Slowly looks at her* Well, I suppose that will be acceptable. But I still wanna be a fairy princess! When you need me I'll be in my trailer!  
  
Sesshoumaru flips his hair and walks dignantly back to his trailer. InuYasha comes out with a slight change of clothes from before-he's now wearing really baggy white jeans and a black tank top, with some old chains and a pair of sunglasses.  
  
InuYasha: I know my lines now. Thanks to Meow.  
  
Meow: Hehehe, don't thank me, it's my job.  
  
Spork: Love the outfit InuYasha.  
  
InuYasha: I think I'm getting used to this look.  
  
Spork: It works for you... *Checks him out*  
  
Kagome walks over--wearing a black pleated skirt and a white blouse with way to much make-up on--and sees Spork checking out InuYasha.  
  
Kagome: Wh--?!  
  
Spork: Eh? It wasn't me.  
  
Kagome is outraged and she walks over, sits with her back against a prop and pouts.  
  
InuYasha: What I do?  
  
Spork: YOU didn't do anything, neither did I..*Whispers to InuYasha* PMS..  
  
Kagome: I HEARD THAT!  
  
InuYasha: What's PMS?  
  
Spork: O.o; Uhh... Letters? Yeah, letters...  
  
Spork shakes her head sadly.  
  
InuYasha: Well what does letters have to do with Kagome?  
  
Spork: InuYasha...  
  
InuYasha: Hm?  
  
Spork: Were you a sheltered child?  
  
InuYasha: I had a shelter, I lived in a nice place with my mommy, my daddy and Sesshoumaru.  
  
Spork: That answers my question ._.;  
  
Sango comes out wearing a black skintight miniskirt and a light pink blouse, she has pink eye shadow and bright lipstick. She seems unenthusiastic about her outfit again.  
  
Sango: Why am I always dressed like a whore?!  
  
Miroku walks in right now wearing baggy dark blue jeans and no shirt with sunglasses and "bling-bling."  
  
Miroku: I don't think you look like a whore, Sango... I think you look nice.  
  
Sango: *Seems truly touched by his comment* Really?  
  
Miroku: Hell yeah! *Slaps her ass*  
  
Sango growls and mumbles some colorful use of words and smacks Miroku.  
  
Spork: Don't hurt him!  
  
Sango: It's hard not to!  
  
Miroku twitches on the floor and crawls over like a caterpillar. He squirms over to Sango and looks up her skirt.  
  
Miroku: Oooo, Sango's not wearing panties!  
  
Sango's face turns the brightest possible shade of red and she kicks Miroku across the room.  
  
Sango: YOU JACKASS!  
  
Meow skips around the room, clapping and chanting her new favorite word.  
  
Meow: Panties! Panties! What ARE panties?  
  
Spork: Ehhhhhh.... Well, they're uh... You see, kid.... Uhm.... Er....  
  
Miroku: *Walks back over* What they are is-  
  
::WHACK!::  
  
Spork and Sango both smacked Miroku.  
  
Miroku: OwWwWw.. X.x  
  
Meow: They're what?  
  
Spork: Nothing. Let's start filming!  
  
Meow: Okay. But we're missing Wolfy and Fluffy...  
  
Spork: Oh yeah, go fetch Sesshoumaru.  
  
Meow: 'Kay!  
  
Meow hops off to get Sesshoumaru and as she leaves Kouga comes in. He's wearing black pants that are way too big and a dark green vest with sunglasses on his head.  
  
Spork: Nice timing!  
  
Kouga: I don't think green is my color... *Frown*  
  
Spork: It'll do!  
  
Meow comes out with Sesshoumaru, he's wearing a semi-baggy pair of blue jeans and a loose black shirt. He has sunglasses and a spiky belt worn loosely around his waist.  
  
Spork: Meee-OW!  
  
Meow: Yeah?  
  
Spork: Er, not you...  
  
Sesshoumaru twirls in a circle and shows off, but is quickly shoved onto the stage.  
  
Meow: PLACES!  
  
The cast take their places, even the cranky Kagome cheers up to play her part.  
  
Spork: Lights. Cameras. Action!  
  
There are a few other stand-ins who are just background for the movie, they're partying on a beach set, music playing loudly. Miroku (Brad) and Sango (Stacey) are walking along the beach, Miroku's arm around her waist. Miroku goes to talk to one of the stand-ins. Sango walks over to chat with Kagome (Helen). InuYasha (Steven) is walking along the shore by himself, staring at the ground. He hears the music and looks up.  
  
InuYasha: What the... Oh no...  
  
He sees Stacey and knows that Brad has to be near by so he goes to turn but stops.  
  
InuYasha: Who. Is. That?  
  
His eyes have spotted Helen, and he feels his heart beat increase. His palms grow sweaty and he swallows the knot in his throat. He continues staring, even though he knows Brad is sure to start trouble is he sees him.  
  
Kagome: *Talking to Sango* Yeah I know! He is SO hot! I-...  
  
She stops when she sees Steven. Helen nudges Stacey and gestures with a nod toward Steven.  
  
Kagome: Who is that?! He's so hot!  
  
Sango: HIM?! He's some trouble maker, Helen, stay away from him! He started shit the other day at the bar with Brad. He's nothing but trouble.. Helen, you're not thinking about anything are you?  
  
Kagome: Wow... I'm far passed thinking about anything. Stacey, I'm going over there...  
  
Sango: NO!  
  
Helen pushes Stacey gently out of the way and starts walking toward Steven. Steven has now turned and is walking away, unaware that Helen is walking to him.  
  
Kagome: Hey, you!  
  
Steven stops and looks behind him. He quickly turns back around and walks faster because he sees Stacey and Brad right behind Helen.  
  
Kagome: Wait! Where're you going?  
  
Steven stops and turns back to her.  
  
InuYasha: I-...I can't stay... Uh... I gotta go home...  
  
Kagome: Wait, I... Uh... Can't you stay?  
  
Steven looks at the ground, turns away and walks off. Stacey and Brad come up behind her to tell her to stay away from him. But Helen runs off, following Steven home.  
  
Spork: CUT!! EXCELLENT! Perfect emotion, you all did good on your lines, great, great. Very nice! I'm so proud of you all!  
  
A few "Thanks. No problem"'s are heard from the cast and InuYasha walks back over.  
  
Spork: We have to celebrate! Hm...  
  
Meow: PANTIES!  
  
Miroku: That's a perfect way to celebrate! This kid has a good head on her shoulders!  
  
Spork: Err... I was thinking more on the lines of... Oh, I dunno... Martinis?  
  
Sesshoumaru: Not again...  
  
Meow: PANTIIIIES! *Hops and skips in circles*  
  
Spork: Dear God, make her stop... Meow...  
  
Meow: PAN- ... Yes?  
  
Spork: Stop.  
  
Meow: Whyyyyyyy?  
  
Miroku: Yeah, Whyyyyyyy?  
  
Spork & Sango: Because!  
  
Meow and Miroku: Aww...  
  
Kouga has been fidgeting and playing with the zipper on his vest and has got his ponytail caught.  
  
Kouga: Oww, uh, little help here?  
  
Everyone laughs and Spork helps Kouga.  
  
Kouga: Evil zipper... -_-  
  
Spork: Why don'tchu just cut of your ponytail?  
  
Kouga: O_O  
  
Spork: o.O Just.. Kidding?  
  
Kagome: Why should you be 'just kidding'?! You have a right to state your opinion! It's in the Constitution! Stupid men think they rule this planet! HUMPH!  
  
Kagome storms off to her trailer.  
  
Spork: What a bitch...  
  
Meow: Bitch, bitch, bitch! *Hops in circles*  
  
Spork: Oh no, not again! @_@  
  
Miroku: Sango, I hope we have children just like her!  
  
Sango: What do you mean by 'we'?!?!  
  
Miroku: I can't make children myself...  
  
Sango: That would be amusing...  
  
Everyone agrees that Miroku giving birth would be very interesting. The cast laugh, all except Miroku--who is shaking in fear of the pain of birth giving.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author Note: I hope you liked it! Send in reviews, suggestions and questions! I'll have the cast answer any fan mail! And if you want your character to be a guest star, you can either: 1. Send in a picture (Be sure to include name, attitude, age, gender and other info) or 2. Fill this out and email it to me-  
  
Name/  
  
Gender/ (M or F)  
  
Looks/ (Eyes, hair, skin color, race, clothing, anything else you think important)  
  
Attitude/  
  
Age/ (If you don't have a specific age then an age group [child, teen, adult, elder, etc.])  
  
Anything else you might want to add-  
  
(THE MORE DETAIL THE BETTER! If you don't have a good description I will reply to you and request that you fix it!)  
  
EXAMPLE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Name-Sir Spork/  
  
Gender- F/  
  
Looks-Purple eyes. Orange hair that appears never brushed. Light brown (tan) skin color. Squirrel Demon. She WEARS: A black shirt with the word SPORK on it, a spork necklace, blue jeans, a black spiked belt with a Spork belt buckle, and little brown boots./  
  
Attitude- Hyper, bouncy, crazy, carefree, but she can become easily annoyed, has a short temper around guys especially./  
  
Age- Around 18 [Teen]/  
  
Extra- She loves sporks, and she likes eating, and climbing trees (she IS a squirrel after all)/  
  
NOTE: I will not put anything in the fic if your character is "dating" one of the cast members, it obstructs the storyline. Plus, you can send in as many as TWO characters, I MAY make exceptions. And if you so choose to send in more than one character you MUST fill out the form for both characters. My email is vampsango@aol.com Place "FANFIC" in the subject line. Thank you! *HUG* 


End file.
